Tag Archives: sexy science

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Sexy Science Fact #29 – GOBBLER GANGS

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It’s the most delicious week in AMERICA! In a few short days, we’re gonna gather with our extended families, eat ungodly amounts of carbs, and hope no one gets too drunk and starts a scene. And of course: turkey.

Anyway, the dude turkeys during mating season are actually literally called “gobblers.” Like… I don’t even have to look up an old-fashioned-but-hilarious name for these bros. THANKS, LANGUAGE!

So when the gobbler wants to get his giblets rocked, he forms a fabulous gang.

In the gang, there is an alpha gobbler and some of his literal bros and/or cousins. They work together with their fancy tailfeathers to hopefully attract themselves a lady.

But in the end, it is only the alpha gobbler who gets the all goodies while the rest of the gobblers go gravy-less. This may seem like a bummer, but it’s probs due to “kin selection“, meaning when bros help bros (or, insert any gender combination here), genes they share get passed on.

But like, Finn and Jake are not really very closely related. So it doesn’t quite hold up as well for them.

Anyway, happy turkey day!

 

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Sexy Science Fact #28 – THROAT BALLS

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I am going to try really hard not to make a million teabag jokes in this post. I WILL TRY, OK?

But really. Camel dudes have throat balls. I mean not exactly, in that their actual literal gonads are not in their throats. But they have this thing:

male camel with dulaa exposed

no idea of original source, sorry!

I mean. Throat balls, amirite?

Those danglies are called a dulaa (or dulla or dhula, or doula? who knows) and come from part of the soft palate but really they are just sugar lumps stored in the mouth.

When Mr. Camel is getting all tingle in his dingle, he breathes in and then whooooooshes that air out through his mouth bollocks. (Please watch this video with sound if you can!)

As you might expect, the bigger the sexier. Bigger sacks mean more testosterone which the ladies are SUPER into….. which leads to….!

Guys, can I please have a pat on the back because there were NO teabag jokes. *tear* I am growing up.

 

Kudos to my friend Conni who suggested this topic!!

 

 

 
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Sexy Science Fact #27 – TASTY LOVE SONGS

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We’ve probably all done the thing where we’re banging while we have roommates, or your apartment has thin walls, or you’re visiting your parents with your sweetie and you have to decide: how quiet DO I want to be??

And there is no wrong answer, you do your thing!

But if you’re a housefly, you might want to reconsider. When these guys get it on, they can get LOUD.

So loud, in fact, that it attracts BATS to NOM all over their sweet copulatory lives. European Natterer’s bats, specifically. No word yet on if American bats are tuned into the fly dirty dance the way their across-the-pond counterparts are.

The bats hear the fly squeals/buzzes of delight and all they hear is EAT ME EAT ME EAT ME even though the flies are really saying DO ME DO ME DO ME. This has to do with the different accents that bats and flies have.*

So flies, I hope that last coital song was worth it! Because thanks to your sweet sex jams, this might be the last thing you see:

 

*this is not true, please tell me you did not believe this

   

 
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Sexy Science Fact #26 – PEEN WORMS

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Some may say that all worms are kind of wang-like. Right? Floppy, long, usually some shade of pinkish brown.

But there is ONE WORM (phylum) that stands above all others in the battle of the bulge! That, my friends, is the Priapulida – pretty literally the penis worm.

I’m gonna let you think about that one for a moment.

The priapulida worm’s suggestive form comes from the dome – sorry, the “introvert” or “prosoma” – that can be turtlenecked back inside of the rest of the body. The introvert is basically just a casing for the mouth area.

The priapulida worm gets its name from the Greek god Priapus, who is literally the god of the one-eyed-monster and is typically depicted with a permanent raging boner.

Priapulid sexy times are actually pretty uninteresting. They spew their goodies into the water and hope for the best. Sorry for the let down!

BONUS STORY TIME! When I was in grad school, I taught a lab on priapulids. Priapulids are filter feeders and basically suck water in one end and squirt it out the other. One of my female students picked up a worm to look at its anatomy and was holding it at about waist level as it was squirting water back into the tank. She looked at me and said, “Huh, this must be what it feels like to be a guy.”
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Sexy Science Fact #25 – TINKLE MUDPUDDLES

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I realize that I wrote about pee like two weeks ago, but GUESS WHAT, I DON’T CARE. This is MY BLAG and I can do whatever I want!

And what I want to do is write about MOOSES. (Moose? Meese?) Because I saw this majestic motherfucker LAST WEEK and so I’m still excited about it!

bull moose

image credit: mah husband

So, of course after seeing a moose, my first though is: what kind of weird sex stuff does this dude do?

And the answer involves number one! (duh)

Now unlike giraffes and lobsters where it’s the lady doing the weeing, for mooses, it’s the bull. He makes a magic yellow mudpuddle that the moose cows just CANNOT resist. They often fight for the chance to roll around in his piss mud. Whoever wins gets to take a wallow in that sweet, sweet pee.

The smell of his golden shower gets her ALL RILED UP and ready for some sweet moose-on-moose action!

BONUS PIC of a moose peen here!!

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Sexy Science Fact #24 – SHAKE THAT JELLY

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On the list of super sexy looking animals, maybe we have the jaguar, a fancy stallion, the flamboyant cuttlefish, and perhaps the blue porcelain crab. The lowly box jelly probably doesn’t even rank. But what they lack in splendor, they make up for in swagger!

One particular species of box jelly, Copula sivickisi, has a special trick up their sleeve. The dudes can DANCE!

(Fun fact – if you have a picture of a jelly upside-down, it looks like it is dancing!)

I mean, sorta? In a paper written in German that I did not read, it’s allegedly called a “wedding dance” and in English it’s described as a fella reaching out his tentacles to a lady, then he pulls their partner around in what I can only imagine as a jelly tango. (If you google “jelly tango”, you will find sex toys, perfect!)

Eventually, he pulls her in for some mouth-on-mouth (or manubrium-on-manubrium, if you want to be technical) humping. He gives her his sperm, they de-attach, and maybe go mouth-bang some other jellies because they are jellies and don’t have any semblance of monogamy.

If you’re dying to see a video… one technically exists. It’s weird and won’t embed here, but the soundtrack is AMAZING. Watch here!

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Sexy Science Fact #23 – THIRSTY GIRAFFES

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When I was really little, my favorite animals were giraffes. No idea why, other than, sure they are cool. They got replaced with cats in elementary school, and then octopuses in high school.

But I still have an affinity for giraffes. And they sure have an affinity for drinking pee!

Not because they’re thirsty, but because they’re thirsty.

When a dude is ready to go to Pound Town, he rubs his head up against his tootsie’s booty and if he’s lucky, she’ll let out a wee stream of wee for him to sip.

BUT WHY? He’s checking out if she’s ready to make a baby, too! Physiologically, at least. This doesn’t mean she’s emotionally ready!

So he follows her around, trying to stick his pickle in her pickle jar. This can take hours or days because this future mama wants to make sure her baby-daddy is worth the effort and no one better is going to come around in the meantime. Sometimes he goes for it and she’s all like “nah” and just walks away.

male giraffe attempting to mate with female

no good source for this, sorry!

But eventually, she might decide he’s pickle-jar-worthy and then… in a spectacular feat of hopefully managing to not fall down mid-coitus, they smush uglies!

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Sexy Science Fact #22 – ANACONDA ORGY

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SEX BALLS usually means something other than what I’m talking about today – which is sex that forms a ball – not ‘nad balls, or ball shaped sex toys, or sex on a ball, or sex following THE BALL (don’t act like that was a surprise).

Whaaat?

Anacondas (and some other snakes) are generally loners except when it comes to BANG PARTIES. One single lady will often have 10 or more cassanovas trying to flirt with her ALL AT ONCE. They form “breeding balls” aka ORGIES where they wrap all over each other and writhe around.

The Romeos try to tickle, wiggle, and worm their trouser snake (actually dual trouser snakes!) to their Juliet’s cloaca.  The hot mama gets to be pretty choosy with whose spunk she’ll take. Only the best!

And if you’ve ever been embarrassed for not knowing a caterpillar from a snake, sometimes the snakes get confused, too! I mean, they know the difference between a caterpillar and a snake, jeez. But sometimes they get twisted around and try to bang the head end, rather than the junk end. Just snake problems. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You know there’s a video of this ANACONDA ORGY:

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