Sexy Science Fact #21 – SPERM PARASITES

Deep sea anglerfish look like a shrunken head with long teeth and a flashlight popping out.

Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute

So basically they look like a horror movie wrapped in a nightmare. Which is maybe unfair, but SORRY NOT SORRY ANGLERFISH? Sometimes you look like snot instead, maybe that is better?

T Pietsch via livescience

But sometimes that is just how it goes. But I know, I know. You are just searching for love. And by searching for, I mean waiting for love to find them. And by love, I mean a set of testicles.

Those fishies above are the LADIES and they are seeking a bang buddy. Or two. Or three. Or whatever. They swim around leaving their scent in their path.

The dudes, the tiny little dudes, have big eyes and nostrils and are swimming through the deep dark waters hoping for a whiff or glance of a sexy mama. And once they find her, they LATCH ON FOR LIFE and become a literal part of their woman.

These teeny swimmers absorb INTO their wifey. They basically don’t have any organs other than ‘nads, so they get all of their life-sustaining goods (food! oxygen!) from their host/sugar mama.

Remember that picture of the snot-fish? That little blob on top? That’s her sugarbaby.

modified from above

They in turn provide her with a supply of their own teeny swimmers, so all the hard work of finding a baby daddy is done!

Here is a weird-ass Animal Planet video that has an animation of how this would work with humans?? Because that is clearly what we need here.

BUT THERE’S MORE! And by more, I mean more sperm. Because sometimes she will end up with more than one fella attached.

no good source for this, sorry!

Get it gurrrl!

EDIT! Someone asked: But where does fertilization take place?! Still just spewed into the ocean? Which is a TOTALLY AWESOME QUESTION!

The answer is YES, they still spew! Most fish use external fertilization, aka dumping their goods into the water on top of each other, and anglerfish are no exception. Scientists think the lady has some hormonal control over when her parasitic testicles release their sperms so timing usually works out well.

Sources

• Dwarfed Males Parasitic on the Females in Oceanic Angler-Fishes (Pediculati Ceratioidea), CT Regan (Proceedings of the Royal Society of London B)
• Oceanic Anglerfishes: Extraordinary Diversity in the Deep Sea, T Pietsch (Book)
• Dimorphism, parasitism, and sex revisited: modes of reproduction among deep-sea ceratioid anglerfishes (Teleostei: Lophiiformes), T Pietsch (Ichtyological Research)

Sexy Science Fact #17 – TRIPLE HOO-HAWS

ANATOMY LESSON!

I know you’re all good, well (sex) educated humans and know what a VAGINA is. But just in case you’re unsure, let’s review! Most lady mammals (with a few exceptions) have three holes in their junk region. A boo-hole for poo (also sometimes fun sexy times!), a urethra for wiss (occasionally for sexy fun time, but PLEASE BE CAREFUL if that’s your thing), and a general sexy fun time/baby-makin’ hole – the “vaginal opening” which is part of the vulva. The VAGINA ITSELF is internal.

Here is what it looks like in cows (and it’s similar in most mammals), because cows are funny.

Gyeongsang National University

Unless you’re a gynecologist or spend some time getting really up close and looking inside, you probably haven’t seen a vagina since you were born and passed through. I KNOW that in this blog I use slang words for “vagina” but actually mean vulva sometimes, but TOO BAD. Today we’re being anatomically correct – VAGINA MEANS VAGINA.

Anyway, now that that’s over with, let’s talk about WEIRD VAGINAS.

Specifically the marsupial vageen. Which looks like this:

This picture is everywhere, but I have no idea who drew it. Taken from Not Exactly Rockt Science

Well not exactly like that. That is a weird disembodied genital blob that reminds me of that Treehouse of Horror episode where Homer enters 3D world and doesn’t feel safe till he finds the erotic cakes. (What is up with the squares on the bottom??) But I digress.

Marsupials, the freaky-almost-exclusively-Australian group of mammals, like the kangaroo (which the picture above is based on) have THREE HOO-HAWS. The middle wadge is for the baybay to come through. It’s smushed in there with all three tubes, so the little one has to be very small when it’s born, and then spends time growing in the pouch of its mama. The two side whisker biscuits are for spunk collection – and, fun fact, many male marsupials have double headed schlong so they can cum into both vagoos at the same time! Check out this opossum wang:

Ellen Rathbone / An Adirondak Naturalist in Michigan

Final thought! Horrifyingly, at least to me, kangaroos can be perpetually pregnant. Do you see how they have two uteri in that picture? They can have a spare bun in the oven ready to do it’s thing immediately after they give birth. Some things to think about the next time you see this derpy face.

Fun Online

Sources

• Walker’s Mammals of the World, R Nowak (book)
• Kangaroos Have Three Vaginas, E Yong (Not Exactly Rocket Science)

Sexy Science Fact #15 – LESBIAN LIZARDS

Here at Sexy Science Facts, politics don’t reaaaaally matter. Biology doesn’t care who is president or what is illegal. BUT TODAY we are celebrating last Friday’s SCOTUS marriage equality ruling so today is gonna be GAYYYYY.

picture brought to you by “the internet”

You might know that biologically, DUDES ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT. You gave some sperm, mister? GOOD FOR YOU, sperm are literally cheaper than a dime a dozen. Eggs take way more energy to produce. Plus, OH YEAH PREGNANCY (in the species that get pregnant).

SORRY BROS, some species can get away without you entirely! There are some populations of whiptail lizards that are ALL LADIES. That’s right! Ovaries before brovaries! Uteruses before duderises! (NOTE: lizards do not actually have uteruses – just stealing some Knope-isms for funsies.)

This means that these lizards make babies WITHOUT any, ahem, input from a fella. Their bodies just magically (biologically, actually) make a baby lizard SOLO. Parthenogenesis.

Tim and Eric

Almost.

The one thing that they can’t seem to shake, evolutionarily, is the drive for doinking. These lassie lizards will mount each other and scratch the record before laying eggs, which has some sort of hormonal effect on ovulation making babies more likely. Also, sex is fun, so let’s not rule that out either!

Tino Mauricio / Mudfooted

BONUS NERD FACT! Sex is not only fun, but also results in a larger gene pool than asexual reproduction because offspring get a mix of genes from each parent, which is useful. Most animals have two copies of each chromosome. Whiptail lizards have extra copies of their chromosomes so their babes are not just direct clones of their mamas, they get a unique mix of chromosomes as well!

Sources

• Scientists examine why men even exist, R Feltman (Washington Post)
• Evolution and Learning, R Bolles & M Beecher (Book)
• Sister chromosome pairing maintains heterozygosity in parthenogenetic lizards, A Lutes, et al (Nature)
• Behavioral facilitation of reproduction in sexual and unisexual whiptail lizards, D Crews, et al (PNAS)
• Regulation of Pseudosexual Behavior in the Parthenogenetic Whiptail Lizard, Cnemidophorus uniparens, B Dias & D Crews (Endocrinology)

Sexy Science Fact #6 – PSEUDO PEENIES

Penises are just for dudes right? WRONG! (sort of) The spotted hyena has a specialized clit called a PSEUDO PENIS (capable of getting a woodie!) and no vulva (remember: vaginas are internal! vulvas are the external part! these broads still have internal vaginas!). It looks like this:

Szykman et al

That is NOT a willie. That’s a pseudo penis!

So… the million dollar question is… HOW DO THEY BANG? The million dollar answer? Think about it. In mammals, fellas insert their schwingschwong into their sweetie’s bajingo. In spotted hyenas, the gent inserts his peen into her pseudo peen! Yipe!

While this is possible, it’s not exactly easy so the bloke has to have pretty much full consent from the doll. She’s already bigger, stronger and is pointy on 5 of 6 ends (or 5 of 7 if you include the junk as an end). It doesn’t always work. (“Is it in yet?”) Sex is like that. Keep trying!

Szykman et al

To get in, he’s gotta squat under to reach her goods. At first it looks like this:

which looks pretty funny, but if you’ve ever caught a glance of yourself in the mirror while doin’ it, you know that… sometimes sex looks funny. Doesn’t matter; had sex.

Anyway, after he’s in, he pulls her pseudo penis back and it looks like regular doggie-style animal banging, so no need for more pics.

BONUS! Ladies both piss AND GIVE BIRTH through this member. Tell a (human) dude this fact. That there is a species that pushes a baby through a (pseudo) peen. See his reaction.

Sources

• Courtship and mating in free-living spotted hyenas, M Szykman et al (Behaviour)

Sexy Science Fact #5 – LADY BONERS

Today we’re talking about LADY BONERS. It’s cool if you have lady boners for people like Adrian Brody or Rhianna or Idris Elba or Natalie Dormer. It’s totally normal and you should feel good about it! BUT TODAY IS NOT ABOUT YOU, SORRY DEAL WITH IT.

Today is about BARK LICE. GROSS, right? But wait, trees don’t have hair, and don’t itch, so I guess that’s OK and not that gross after all?

But what some bark lice (specifically those in the genus Neotrogla) do have is… REVERSED COUPLING ROLES. This is a totally sexist way of saying that the LADY Neotrogla get BONERS. For serious. Their boner-organ is called a “gynosome” and it gets hard and is then INSERTED into the dude’s no-no area where it collects spunk to be used to fertilize her eggs. As far as we know, Neotrogla are the only animals where the female PENETRATES the male during copulation. WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING, HEAR THAT? (OK, of course human ladies can do some penetrative things to human dudes, but that does not result in BABIES.)

Super hot barklouse-on-barklouse action!

Yoshizawa et al

Here is a porn-y picture someone drew of what happens:

Yoshizawa et al

FORTY TO SEVENTY HOURS LATER, the sex is over. Seriously. I don’t have time for that kind of thing, but then again, I am not a bark louse, so I have that going for me.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT! This discovery has caused biologists to think about naming of sexy bits. Penis = male part that penetrates female; Vagina = female part that is penetrated by male. BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THIS IS REVERSED? Is it a “female penis” and a “male vagina”? Is a penis inherently male and a vagina inherently female? WHY DO WE HAVE NARROW AND CULTURALLY BIASED IDEAS ABOUT REPRODUCTIVE STRUCTURES, SEXES, AND ROLES? *mic drop*

Sources

• Female Penis, Male Vagina, and Their Correlated Evolution in a Cave Insect, K Yoshizawa et al (Current Biology)
• Female insect uses spiky penis to take charge, R Nuzzo (Nature)